The Power of Preparation: Key Negotiation Techniques That Transformed a Tough Conversation and Led Us to the Truth

Today, I found myself in a negotiation that, while challenging, taught me valuable lessons I’ll carry with me.

If this situation had been presented to me just six weeks ago, I would not have been able to navigate the conversation effectively. 

I wouldn’t have known how to extract the necessary information, and I would have never even called this situation a negotiation in the first place. 

As I’ve learned from training that I’m currently in with the Black Swan Group, a negotiation occurs anytime someone needs or wants something.

Pause…think back over today. How many negotiations were you in today?

What started as an ordinary Wednesday quickly turned into a web of complexities as it became apparent I urgently needed crucial information for my team.

Why Talk About It

As I reflect on what happened, it would be foolish to think that I’ll never be in this situation again.

With that being said, I want to get as much learning out of today as possible. 

And for you, there may be moments tomorrow where your team will rely on your ability to handle challenges with success.

This experience has solidified my belief in the importance of preparation and the impact of negotiation techniques in our conversations. 

Here’s what I can share and the key takeaways.

The Power of Teamwork: Trust and Relationship Matter

Before jumping into the negotiation itself, it’s important to highlight a crucial component: having a solid teammate. 

In this case, my teammate was my brother. 

We’ve worked together for years, which gave us a unique advantage: we trust each other. 

We knew how to communicate effectively, recognize when one of us needed to take the lead, and share the load when it was our turn to speak.

The reality is you need a foundation of trust with your partner to navigate tough conversations together. 

Without it, it’s easy for things to break down. Our ability to read each other and work together helped us remain focused and poised during the conversation.

Preparation is Key: Rehearse and Practice

In preparation for the conversation, we did something simple, and at the same time, really easy to skip over: we rehearsed. 

We role-played part of the situation that we thought could occur, switching sides to better understand the other person’s perspective. 

This gave us a clearer idea of the possible emotional responses and motivations we’d encounter. 

What’s that saying about, “you don’t rise to your goals, but you will fall to your level of preparation?” I’m probably messing up the words, but you get what I’m saying here. 

The more you prepare, the better you can anticipate challenges and stay ready to adapt to the unexpected.

Using Chris Voss’ Tactics: Labeling and Mirroring

Before we entered the conversation, we decided to lean on a technique called “labeling”. 

This is a powerful technique taught by Chris Voss, a former FBI negotiator. He is the author of the fascinating book, Never Split the Difference. 

Another powerful technique he teaches that encourages people to share information is called “mirroring.” 

1. Labeling: This technique involves naming emotions or reactions that the other person might be feeling. By doing this, we acknowledged the awkwardness and tension in the room, which worked to diffuse some of the discomfort. My brother did this masterfully.

   
   

   • You can begin your label with the three words, “it seems like…” These little words immediately go to work to create a sense of empathy and open up more honest dialogue.
     

2. Mirroring: This technique involves subtly mimicking the other person’s words or body language to establish rapport. By mirroring, you can help the other party feel understood, which increases their willingness to engage.

   
   

Embrace Silence: Don’t Rush to Fill the Gaps

One of the most challenging aspects of any tough conversation is getting comfortable with silence. 

When tensions are high,it’s easy to feel the urge to speak constantly, but allowing moments of silence can be incredibly powerful. I’m working on this one! 

By sitting in silence, we communicated that we were in this for the long haul and weren’t going anywhere until we reached the truth. 

This gave the other person time to reflect and think more deeply about their responses.

In these moments, patience becomes a strategic tool. When we walked into the conversation, we had no idea how much time it would take to peel back the layers and uncover the truth.

The silence worked in our favor, allowing us to listen more carefully and wait for the right information to come forward.

Nonverbal Cues: Pay Attention to the Body Language

Listening to words is only part of the equation. 

Often, the most valuable information is hidden in body language—small cues that people don’t realize they’re giving off. During this negotiation, we closely observed things like:

• Shifting in their chair

• Breathing patterns

• Tone of voice

• Subtle gestures or hesitations in speech

  
  

These nonverbal cues provided us with a “map” of their emotions and helped us understand things they weren’t saying aloud. 

It was like uncovering “free information”—the truth that the other person wasn’t intentionally revealing.

Leading with Empathy: Calling People to a Higher Standard

What really moved the conversation forward was leading with empathy and a commitment to seeing the other person at their best. 

We chose not to confront with anger or accusation. Instead, we demonstrated understanding and compassion.

By calling the person to a higher standard, we communicated that we saw their potential for integrity and accountability. 

We wanted to create a beautiful pathway for this person to come back from a mistake. 

This allowed us to build psychological safety, which, in turn, encouraged more transparency and honesty.

This approach—approaching others with care and compassion—is the kind of leadership that can bring out the best in people, even in challenging situations.

Key Takeaways for Effective Negotiation

As I reflect on everything I learned, here are the most important lessons from this experience:

1. Strong Teamwork is Vital: Find a partner you trust, and make sure you’re on the same page.
   

2. Preparation Makes All the Difference: Practice, role-play, and understand what could come your way.
   

3. Use Psychological Techniques: Label emotions, mirror words, and stay empathetic.
   

4. Be Comfortable with Silence: Give space for reflection and allow the conversation to unfold at its own pace.
   

5. Observe More Than Words: Nonverbal cues are rich with insights and shouldn’t be overlooked.
   

6. Lead with Understanding: Create an environment where others can feel safe to admit mistakes and move forward.  

   
   

Confronting Lack of Integrity for the Sake of the Team

One of the hardest but most necessary things to do in any leadership role is to confront lack of integrity head-on. 

In a negotiation like the one we faced, it wasn’t just about securing the truth for our own benefit—it was about ensuring that the team could move forward with trust and honesty. 

An underperforming team is often a reflection of leadership issues, and it’s essential to address these problems early to avoid long-term damage.

As leaders, it’s our job to create an environment where integrity is non-negotiable, where truth and transparency are the bedrock of everything we do. 

The moment we allow dishonesty to slide, we set a dangerous precedent. 

A team without integrity isn’t just underperforming. It’s lost. 

If we’re to lead effectively, we must be willing to stand up for what’s right, even when it’s uncomfortable. In the end, it’s the only way to ensure the team thrives.

So, what about you? In what situations have you led with care and understanding, and it made all the difference?

Please share—we’d love to hear your stories!